Never Let You Go
by madeleine68
Summary: Some more A/O fluff. Set during "Ghost". Alex is feeling shy and Olivia reassures her. Oneshot. Please review!


**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns them, not me.**

**This takes places during **_**Ghost**_**, when Alex and Olivia spend the night in the hotel together. Obviously A/O.**

Alex and I lie in bed together that night, holding each other close. We're said all that there is to say, and only touch can fill the void between us.

"Liv," Alex says quietly into the darkness, and I lean down and kiss her forehead.

"Yeah, baby?"

She pulls out of my arms and into a sitting position. "Make love to me," she says softly.

I smile and reach for the lamp, but she puts a hand on my arm to stop me.

"No. Leave it off."

I furrow my brow. "But Alex –"

"Leave it _off_."

"Why?"

"I just don't want the lights on."

She's never been this shy before, even our first time, so I know it's not just modesty. "But I want to see you. I want to see how beautiful you are as I touch you. I want to see how good I make you feel."

I can feel her smile without actually seeing it. "You already know you do."

"So what's the problem?"

She shifts uncomfortably. "My body's changed, Liv," she finally says. "It's not the way you remember it."

Ah, so that's it. "Alex, I love you no matter what. And I'm sure you're just as beautiful now as you were a year ago." She hesitates, and I say quickly, "But if you really don't want to, we don't have to turn on the lights." It hurts a bit that she doesn't trust me to see her fully, but it's her choice, and if she's not comfortable, I'm not going to force her. I would never do that to my Alex.

I can make out her nod in the darkness, and she stars to undress. I do the same, and when all of our clothes have been discarded, I press my body to hers for a long moment, enjoying the physical closeness but also wanting to reassure her. Her body shakes slightly, and I hold her tightly in my arms.

"Alex, we don't have to –"

"No, I want to."

I nod and start to kiss my way up her body, remembering that she once told me how cherished that made her feel. We may only have tonight, and I want to make her feel as special and as loved as I can before our time together runs out.

She giggles a bit and reaches out to wrap her arms around me. I smile, then pause when I get to the scar on her shoulder, from the bullet wound she sustained so long ago. I know it's my fault for not protecting her, although Alex has told me otherwise on various occasions. I shouldn't have taken my eyes off her, should have physically shielded her from the bullet with my own body. I should have been the one shot, not my Alex.

I gently trace my fingers over the scar, finding it larger than I expected. It's about the size of a tennis ball, stretching over her shoulder to her upper back. It feels like the wound hasn't healed properly – the skin is tight and rough in comparison to the soft, smooth skin that covers the rest of Alex's body. This is what she doesn't want me to see in the light, and I'm fine with that, because I love her, and I want to make this as good for her as I can. It's been a year since we've made love and we might need to re-learn each other's bodies, and I'll do whatever I need to do to make sure Alex is comfortable.

I press a kiss to the edge of the scar. Alex tenses a bit and sucks in a breath, and I kiss the scar again, this time on its other side, on her upper back. I wait for a moment, but her body relaxes slightly and I cover the scar with several more kisses. Alex shudders a bit, and I sit back up, leaning in to bring my lips to hers. "I love you," I whisper against her mouth, and she smiles, then kisses me deeply. I kiss her back, threading my fingers through her hair until we finally break apart.

Alex smiles against my lips again and pulls me back to her, kissing me again. Her lips are so soft, so smooth, perfectly sculpted just like the rest of her. I'd be happy to kiss her forever if I could.

Alex leans over slightly, as if she's reaching for something, even as we kiss. After a moment, the light turns on and Alex pulls back. I keep my gaze on hers, not even glancing at the scar without permission. "Alex," I say quietly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "if you're not comfortable –"

She shakes her head. "I think I am. I don't want to hide anymore. Not from you."

I recognize the trust she's just placed in me as the gift it is, and with one last kiss to her lips, I lower my eyes to the scar. It's large and white, even whiter than her milky skin, and it looks like it has gotten infected and thusly hadn't healed properly. It's a mark she'll have to bear for the rest of her life, to remind us both that I couldn't protect her as I should have. But she's letting me see it now, and that means more than I can express in words.

I bring my lips to the scar again, pressing soft kisses to its circumference. "You're so beautiful, baby." I whisper against her shoulder blade, and I feel her arms wrap around me, holding me tightly.

We stay like that for a few moments, then she kisses the crown of my head. "Liv –"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Touch me," she whispers, smiling into my eyes.

I make love to her sweetly, tenderly, as if it's our last chance to do so. Who knows? It might be.

When we're laying in bed afterward, our bodies intertwined, and Alex is in my arms again, she says quietly, "Thank you."

I kiss her forehead. "No, thank you for trusting me."

"I love you, Liv."

"I love you, too."

She curls against my body, yawning. "Don't let go," she says sleepily, and I tighten my grasp.

"Never." I kiss her hair. "I'll never let you go."

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